Psalm 84:2

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. - Psalm 84:2

Let that sink in. Wanting something so badly that you and your body cry out for the want of it. Living in the United States, it's hard to imagine that sort of want. Our towns are filled to the brim with places that have every imaginable thing that a person could desire. Our homes are veritable warehouses for the things that we accumulate. So, can I honestly say that I've craved anything so much that my heart and soul cried out for it. So much so that it caused physical pain because it wasn't there. Not really. This sort of craving isn't something common. This sort of craving isn't something that can be taken care of with tangible objects. I've spent a lot of time this week, praying over and contemplating this verse. Because seriously is there anything that I crave so much that I cannot get readily?

Obviously there has been. Looking at my person, there's obviously something missing. Something lacking, because if there wasn't, I wouldn't be in the position and the condition that I'm in. Sure, I could just say that I hate exercise or I hate to deny myself anything. That's inherent in all of us, but what is it exactly that prevents me from seeking better. Why do I cover my TRUE feelings and cravings with being sedentary and eating things that do not benefit my body or my mind?

I don't have the answers. I'm not sure I'd be happy with them when I figure them out. I know that since I've come to the Lord and have started really listening to what God is saying, I've found myself not desiring food or things that aren't good for my body and therefore not glorifying to Him. Does that mean that I don't have a sweet or a salty snack. Sure. I do. I don't think they are WRONG, they are just wrong in the way that I abused them. Moving my body praises God. It's how he designed us. We show supplication with our bodies. We show our devotion to him with our bodies. We raise our hands, rock on our feet, lay prostrate before Him when we feel His presence.

These are the things muddling about in my head when I think of this verse. There isn't enough time during this week to get to the bottom of how this verse has affected me. So I'll have to keep on reflecting on it, and myself and get to the bottom of my issues.

Jesus Saves- My personal testimony.

I figured it is fitting that my very first blog entry would be about my personal testimony. This whole blog is about me coming to terms with how I'm seen in the eyes of God. That He made me exquisitely and divinely. This is something that I have been wanting to do for a while, but I haven't been sure how to go about doing it. The Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study blog hop seems to be a great place to start. They'll give me a topic, based on the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. The first topic options includes my personal testimony.

Where to begin? Birth? Rebirth?  I'm going to start mid-between the two. My parents were always open to allowing me to figure out what I wanted to believe. They allowed me to go to many different types of churches as well as allowing me to read about many other religions, polytheistic and other monotheistic religions. The path to God is personal and it is better to do it by yourself. As for themselves they were neither very into going to church or openly worshipping God. But in my teenage years, I found a church and felt as though I belonged. But with all things and as a teenager, my lack of understanding and compassion was a detriment. I had a falling out with the church leaders because of a difference of opinion/belief/what ever you wish to call it, and I left the church and felt very bitter. I felt as though they were talking out of both sides of their mouth and it didn't set well with me. And the more disgruntled I became the more I found reasons why religion was a poor excuse. Eventually I used logic to convince myself that God was not real. And then I set out to prove believers wrong and even used logic to talk God out of their lives as well. (terrible I know!) I said and did many things I'm unbelievable regretful of. Many years past.

In my early 30's (approx. 9 years ago), I found myself a victim of rape, and I was very angry. And nothing absolutely NOTHING made me feel peaceful. A friend of mine invited me to his church and I went and that day, I accepted God as real and His son Jesus as my savior. Miracles didn't happen, angels didn't sing (at least not that I heard!), and it wasn't really anything super miraculous. And I began my slow and winding path to where I am. And I'm nowhere where I OUGHT to be (remember winding....). And now to the true rebirth...

I've heard many people say many times that they can tell you the hour that they were reborn in Christ. I cannot give you the hour. I can give you the date, December 13, 2012,  because I was under anesthetic in an operating room, having an emergency surgery that was saving my life. But that night, the surgeon saved my body, but my life was saved by God. While under, I heard His voice...strike that....FELT his voice. And he told me that my deeds were not pleasing to Him, and that I was dying and that He couldn't save me from me.

Revelation 3:2 Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die, for I have not found your works perfect before God.

 And then He gave me a list of things that I needed to do, to start myself on a path of true righteousness and way to Heaven instead of heading to Hell. All I had to do was have faith in Him and obey Him, and all will work out according to His plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And since that night just over a year ago, I've made it a large priority to follow the path God has set for me. It's taken me to wonderful heights, and through some mighty uncomfortable situations. And I know the best and hardest are yet to come. I'm excited though. I'm amazed every day of the wonderful things I see Him accomplish with but a wish and prayer on our end.